I'm Not Dead, Really

Sorry for the ridiculously sporadic/nonexistent posting, but you know saving the world is a busy job ;) Actually, I’ve spent the last week on the couch moaning, driving my mother crazy with cell phone calls and generally dying, seriously folks I was D-Y-I-N-G! Feeling bad for me? Good! Laughing and not taking my plight seriously? Yeah, screw you too. Just wait until you get Ebola, see who’ll be laughing then… ok so I just had the stomach flu but it was gross and I did have recurring dreams involving a bright light. I am probably the world’s worst sick person. Which brings me to Reason Nine Million Seven Hundred Thousand and Two Why I Should Never Be a Doctor, I have no sense of medical relativism, either I am completely healthy or I’m dying - no grey area, no middle ground. This might explain why my medical directive includes pulling the plug if I get a splinter. Anyway, through some miracle of science that I’ll never even attempt to understand, I did not in fact die but have returned to save the world or at least update my blog.

- A. Monkey